Years ago in seminary, in one of my church-planting classes, it was said that a newcomer will decide whether to return to your church on the basis of the first five minutes before the worship service and the first five minutes immediately following. I heard that statement almost eleven years ago, and I never fully understood it . . . until now.
You see, I have not been truly a newcomer to a church since 1995. I was hired by Zion Church in 1998 so that doesn't count and then I was part of the launch of Grace Chapel in 2000, so that doesn't count either. The last time I was truly a newcomer to a church was back in 1995 when Tanya and I started attending St. Paul's Presbyterian Church in Orlando, Fl.
But what this summer has afforded us is the opportunity to be newcomers to churches many times over. Before this summer is over, I will have had the opportunity to attend at least twenty different churches, most of them being in Lincoln. So let me tell you about our experience this last Sunday. After figuring out parking (which was across the street from the church building itself) and after finding our way to the worship hall through one of two doors we had to pick (we picked correctly. whew!), we then walked into the foyer amidst many people chatting away, clearly most familiar with one another.
We made it through the awkward stage of getting through the foyer with all these chatty people, none of whom we knew and figured out how to get our two boys (ages three and four) to the nursery. And then as we walked toward the worship hall, the greeter hit a home run with us! He stepped forward, put his hand out and said enthusiastically, "Hi, I'm Craig! Welcome to such and such church. We're glad you are here!" Truth be told, in many of the churches we have visited this summer, either we have been greeted by someone with a countenance better suited for being a bouncer at a bar or we were not greeted at all!!! We then entered the worship hall, bulletin in hand, and sat down in time for Sunday worship to kick off. The first five minutes before the service went off without a hitch! The music was good. The message was filled with the passionate preaching of my good friend who pastors the church. The church had a very authentic sense about it, very much an outward-focused, outreach-minded place with a sweetness about it.
I walked up to my pastor friend immediately following the service and Tanya went off to grab our boys. I hugged my friend and began telling him how much we appreciated being there and how blessed we were and how everyone did such a great job of welcoming us. My friend was excited to hear the good news about his church. Soon, my friend turned to greet some of his members.
And then it happened . . . I see my wife returning with our boys from the nursery. She's fighting back tears. I ask, "what's wrong honey?"
Tanya responds, "the nursery lost Calvin (our three-year old)." "What?" "They lost Calvin." "What?" You see what had happened was that Tanya had gone to the nursery to pick up the boys and she could only find Isaac (our four-year old). While she was frantically searching for Calvin, the two nursery workers were occupied with other concerns, not paying much attention to this frantic mother and finally Tanya blurted out, "Where's Calvin?" Immediate answer by the one nursery worker who actually responded: "uh . . . uh . . . uh . . . I don't know." "You don't know where my son is?" "uh . . . uh . . . uh . . . maybe he went upstairs to children's church with the older kids?" "You don't know where my three- year old son is? Maybe he went upstairs with the older kids? Where's upstairs and how do I get there?!"
Tanya went upstairs and, sure enough, there was our three-year old with the older kids in Children's Church.
The first five minutes following the service impacted our day and left an impression regarding our church experience far more so than the music (sorry Crystal and Gina), far more than the preaching (sorry Ben L. and me), far more so than the quality of coffee (sorry so many of you at Grace Chapel).
Would we have returned to that church if we were trying to find a church home? I don't know. After being a minister for ten years and very much a "friendly" to the church, I hope we would have had the maturity at least to address the difficulty of the situation with someone in leadership and see if there wasn't something we could do to make that church a better place (apart from whether we would have come to call that place home or not). In fact, Tanya was so upset she wanted to say something right there and then. I told her that she needed to calm down a bit and promised that I'd call my pastor friend this week and tell him what had happened. I know he would want to know. Plus, being a churchman, I understand we take a lot of things for granted in the church. I'm sure the people at that church assumed everyone was just "family" and that if a kid wanders here or there, that it's a bit like losing sight of your child at a family reunion, that he's going to be OK either way. How eye-opening it has been to step away from Grace Chapel for the summer to get a "fresh set of eyes."
If you are an established person at Grace Chapel, how cognoscente are you of the significance of the first five minutes before the service [seeking out new faces (by the way, at GC newcomers are often the ones sitting in the worship hall before the service, regulars usually roll in more casually), serving as a friendly and intentional greeter, helping a new mother find her way to the nursery, etc.] and the significance of the first five minutes following a service (looking to reach out and say "hi" to a new face, praying with someone in need, helping to ensure that new people know about the Geneva House, coffee, where their kids are going to be as they return from Children's Church, etc.).
Remember, the first five minutes before and after a church service will shape much of the impression with which a newcomer leaves Grace Chapel that day.
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